When the realization hits you that you are getting a divorce, you may feel like you failed – failed yourself, your spouse, your kids or your extended family. Maybe you feel like you failed at the institution of marriage itself. You may be wondering what is wrong with you, not what went wrong with your marriage.
Refusing to cling to overly pessimistic beliefs can be essential to your recovery from the divorce. Putting your life back together hinges upon your ability and willingness to bounce back and restore your forward-looking attitude.
You can learn a lot from things in life that go wrong
One expert put it very well by saying, “Failure isn’t a punishment — it’s a teacher.” Yes, it’s sad when a marriage doesn’t last. It hurts. But dwelling non-stop on feelings of failure will just keep you trapped in a rut. Having things fall through can actually help you see how to do them differently the next time around. You did not fail – you learned.
Think about all the times you didn’t get something right on the first try, like tying your shoelaces or cooking a favorite meal. You probably realized that doing it another way could produce a much better outcome. Similarly, you can also absorb valuable lessons from a marriage that was not successful, so your next go at matrimony goes smoother and hopefully lasts a lifetime.
Concentrate on what’s ahead
Focus on yourself for a while before undertaking another relationship. You may have been so eager to please your spouse throughout your marriage that your own personality and goals took a back seat. Use the time during or after your split to reset, rethink and reassess your own life and future.
You have concluded one phase of your life. A promising new one may be just around the next bend in the road. Tell yourself that on the inevitable days during or following your divorce when you feel low. Having someone giving you guidance on managing the formalities of your split should also put your mind at ease.